Meihem
In Ce Klasrum
This story
humoruously addresses something every English student has considered.
(1946 by Dolton Edwards)
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Because
we are still bearing some of the scars of our brief skirmish with
II-B English, it is natural that we should be enchanted by Mr. George
Bernard Shaw's current campign for a simplified alphabet.
Obviously, as Mr. Shaw points out, English spelling is in much need
of a general overhauling and streamlining. However, any changes
requiring a large expenditure of mental effort in the near future
would cause us to view with some apprehension the possiblity of some
day receiving a morning paper printed in - to us - Greek.
Our own
plan would achieve the same end as the legislation proposed by Mr.
Shaw, but in a less shocking manner, as it consists merely of an
acceleration of the normal processes by which the language is
continually modernized.
As a
catalytic agent, we would suggest that a National Easy Language Week
be proclaimed, which the President would inaugurate, outlining some
short-cut to concentrate on during the week, and be adopted during
the ensuing year. All school children would be given a holiday, the
lost time being the equivalent of that gained by the spelling short cut.
In
1946, for example, we would urge the elimination of the soft
"c," for which we would substitute "s."
Sertainly, such an improvement would be selebrated in all
sivic-minded sircles as being suffisiently worth the trouble, and
students in all sities in the land would be reseptive toward change
and eliminating the nesessity of learning the differense between the
two letters.
In
1947, sinse only the hard "c" would be left, it would be
possible to substitute "k" for it, both letters be
pronounsed identikally. Imagine how greatly only two years of this
prosess would klarify the konfusion in the minds of students. Already
we would have eliminated an entire letter from the alphabet.
Typewriters and linotypes kould be built with one less letter and all
the manpower and materials previously devoted to making
"c's" kould now be turned toward raising the national
standard of living.
In the
fase of so many notable improvements, it is easy to foresee that by
1948, "National Easy Langauge Week" would be a pronounsed
sukses. All skhool khildren would be looking forward with
konsiderable exsitement to the holiday, and in a blaze of national
publisity it would be announsed that the double konsonant
"ph" no longer existed, and that it would henseforth be
written "f" in all words. This would make sukh words as
"fonograf" twenty percent shorter in print.
By
1949, publik interest in a fonetik alfabet kan be expekted to have
inkreased to the point where a more radikal step forward kan be taken
without fear of undue kritisism. We would therefore urge the
elimination, at that time of all unesesary double leters, whikh,
although quite harmles, have always ben a nuisanse in the language
and a desided deterent to akurate speling. Try it yourself in the
next leter you write, and se if both writing and reading are not fasilitated.
With so
mukh progres already made, it might be posible in 1950 to delve
further into the posibilities of fonetik speling. After due
konsideration of the reseption aforded the previous steps, it should
be expedient by this time to spel al dfthongs foneticaly. Most
students do not realize that the long "i" and "y,"
as in "time" and "by," are aktualy the difthong
"ai," as it is writen in "aisle," and that the
long "a" in "fate," is in reality the difthong
"ei" as in "rein." Although perhaps not
imediately aparent, the saving in taime and efort wil be tremendous
when we leiter eliminate the sailent "e," as meide posible
bai this last khange.
For, as
wel known, the horible mes of "es" apearing in
writen language is kaused prinsipaly bai the present nesesity of
indikeiting whether a vowel is long or short. Therefore, in 1951 we
kould simply elimineit al sailent "e's," and kontinu to
read and wrait merily along as though we wer in an atomik ag of edukeition.
In 1951
we would urge a greit step forward. sins bai this taim it would have
ben four years sins anywun had used the leter "c," we would
sugest the the "National Easy Language Wek" for 1951 be
devoted to substitution of "c" for "th." To be
sur it would be som taim befor peopl would bekom akustomed to reading
ceir newspapers and buks withs sukh sentenses in cem as "Ceodor
caught he had cre cousand cistls crust crough ce cik of his cumb."
In ce
seim maner, bai meiking eakh leter hav its own sound and cat sound
only, we kould shorten ce langauge stil mor. In 1952 we would
elimineit ce "y"; cen in 1953 we kould us ce letter to
indikeit the "sh" sound, cerbai klarifaiing words laik
yugar and yur, as wel as redusing bai wun mor leter al words laik
"yut," "yore," and so forc. Cink, cem, of al ce
benifits to be geind bai ce distinktion whikh wil be meid between
words laik:
ocean: now writen oyean
machine: now writen mayin
racial: now writen reiyial
Al sukh
divers weis of wraiting wun sound would no longer exist, and whenever
wun kaim akros a "y" sound he would know exakli what to wrait.
Kontinuing cis proses, year after year, we would eventuali have a
reali sensibl writen languag. By 1975, wi ventur to sei, cer wud bi
no mor uv ces teribli trublsum difikultis, wic no tu noises riten wic
ce seim leter. Even Mr. Yaw, wi beliv, wud be hapi in ce noleg cat
his drims fainali keim tru.
(Copying this article was made difficult by trying to avoid automatically correcting the original text and the fact that I was laughing as I transcribed it. I apologize to Mr. Edwards for any inaccuracies that occurred in the copying process.)
